Page 158 of His Temporary Assistant

“She has headphones in with her Gregorian chant music. She uses that to reach her alternative aural space.”

“Okay.”

“That’s my mother, man. She’s on a whole different plane. Now stop stalling.”

I released a slow breath. “I never wanted to do divorce law. Not for one goddamn day. I finally just…stopped.”

She gasped. “You walked out?”

“I said I quit. I didn’t say I had a lobotomy.”

Her soft giggle was breathless. “Can you return the car? That’s a lot of thrusters for a guy without a job.”

“I never owned it.”

“What the fuck, dude?”

“You know what they say about assumptions.”

“I know your exceptional penis won’t save you from an asskicking when I see you in person.”

I grinned. “Let’s hope your mom doesn’t decide to kill the chanting.”

“She already knows about your penis.”

I choked. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Oh, no. It’s a whole ritual we do when one of us has a new man. We detail it all right down to width and length. I had to guesstimate some of it, but when we salt the circle, estimates are good enough. I mean, for a first ceremony anyway.”

I’d coughed so hard my eyes were still watering. “I’m almost sure you’re pulling my…not penis.”

“But you’re not certain, are you? So, remember I know of things you can’t begin to imagine, Horatio.”

“Oh, I already knew that, Moonbeam.” I rubbed my chest. “Look at that, my lungs still work. I thought they’d seized up on me.”

“Serves you right. That means the grandpa car is still in commission?”

“Nope.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“Not particularly.” I lowered my voice. “So, how tight are your quarters there?”

“If you are even so much as insinuating I should touch myself while I’m in bed with my mother, you are a sick puppy, PMS. Truly depraved.”

It took everything I possessed not to laugh. “Maybe just a little?”

“Not even the tiniest bit in the history of small, infinitesimal things.”

“God, I miss you already. How is that possible?”

“Same way it’s possible we met on Monday. Did you quit because I left?”

“No. I quit Thursday.”

Her pause made me think our banter was at an end. I waited to hear the click that meant she was done talking yet again.

“I should’ve known you never would’ve slept in unless you’d already done something rash.”